Responding to difficult emails

For example: “Can I get the unedited files?”

A lot of people struggle with professional written communication. If that’s you, you’re in great company. In this post, I hope you’ll find some thought-provoking ideas on the topic of professional written communication that it will help you the next time you receive a client’s Facebook message that makes you want to disable your internet and crawl under your bed.

Questions about how to respond when clients demand things we don’t do get asked often in several Facebook groups I am active in. I wanted to specifically address one thing that gets asked often, and share how I think you should handle it. I helped someone craft an email to a (high school senior's) mother who was demanding unedited files. For the sake of this photographer’s privacy and vulnerability, I am changing the details, hoping this might help somebody else!

Here is the Facebook message from the mother:

“Good morning, this is B’s mother. She has been asking you for the unedited photos [by instagram dm] that you took of her but you have not sent them yet.  She wants to edit them herself how she likes them, and I need her to get it done so I can order grad announcements.  Already late on getting graduation invites ordered. Please send me those unedited photos today. We appreciate your immediate response.”  

Note, this was one month after their final gallery was delivered.

Here is how I would respond (by email, not messenger):

"Hi [Mother’s Name],

What an exciting time for your family, graduation is right around the corner!  Regarding your Facebook message, all the files that are included with B’s session package have been delivered by way of the digital gallery provided on xx/xx/xx date.  Here is that link again for your convenience: linklinklinklink.gallery.com.  Unedited images are not available, to any client, as a policy. This is industry standard and also stated in the agreement signed before our session.

Congratulations again to you and B!

-Photographer"

How did you feel after reading that? Did it put your stomach in a knot (my over-explainer friends would be itching for more words!) or did it feel like a relief to get through it and be done with it?

A few things to note on my response above:

1. the word “I” is nowhere

My response did not include the word “I”. When discussing business, it’s not personal, it’s business — especially when you are telling the recipient something they probably aren’t going to like. I sent all the files already might be more upsetting than all the files have been delivered. Now, saying “I” is not always a bad thing (I get personal with clients all the time in my emails!), but consider the context of the specific email you are writing. In this case, mom came in demanding and accusing, this is clearly not a time to say “I” but a time to kindly let her know what’s (officially) up.

2. Unapologetic

My response did not include the words “I’m sorry.” Don’t ever apologize for something legitimate about your business simply because someone isn’t happy about it. I see this mistake ALL THE TIME. For example saying “I’m sorry but I don’t send out unedited files” would be the first instinct for a lot of people who might some day have to write an email like this — NO YOU AREN’T SORRY — and you shouldn’t be sorry. Stopppppp with the I’m sorry. Reserve apology language for when you actually have something to apologize for (like if you oversleep and are late to a sunrise session. not that I’ve ever done that…) and in those instances, don’t just apologize, but make it right, too. In this situation, the photographer had nothing to apologize for, and nothing to rectify. She simply needed to provide a reply.

3. Kind

My response was kind. Though I was telling her something she should already know (and wasn’t going to like), I didn’t say it in a way that would make her feel like an idiot. For example, I sent your gallery a month ago, so you should have had plenty of time to order announcements is maybe what I wanted to say but instead I simply referenced the date the gallery was delivered to cover myself. Also on the topic of kindness, even though the mother’s message to the photographer was a little rude, I took the high road and also included in the beginning and the end a congratulatory personal anecdote (and managed to do it without using “I” to not get too too friendly due to the context)

4. Brief

My response was SHORT. Over-explanation is the same as apologizing when you’ve got nothing to be sorry for — it weakens your voice and sucks up your time. And when you are engaging with someone who’s not going to be happy with what you’re going to tell them, over-explaining just gives them more specifics to nit pick or complain about. I didn't go into why we professional photographers don't give unedited files, nor did I defend myself in any way. Address what needs to be addressed thoroughly but efficiently.

Note… in addition to giving you some thoughts on how to react and respond when a client sends asks for something you don’t do long after you’ve shot their session and collected payment, I also want to encourage you to be proactive in educating and communicating with your clients ahead of their session about what’s included with their session fee and what you don’t do (like provide unedited files).

My dear friends who are over-explainers and conflict-avoiders… take a deep breath when you get a difficult message and try to remember this post before you hit send! And consider taking the Client Communication Segment of my workshop.

-Julie